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Twas the Night Before Christmas For the PoliticallyCorrect Harvey Ehrlich

Twas the night prior to Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a civilization that's politically correct? His workers nolonger would certainly answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were callingthemselves. And labor problems at the north pole Were alleged bythe union to stifle the spirit. Four reindeer had vanimelted, without muchpropriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equalemployment had made it fairly clear That Santa had much better not use justreindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced through 4pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removedfrom his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. Andpeople had began to call for the cops When they heard sled noises ontheir roof-tops. Second-hand also smoke from his pipe had his employees quitefrightened. His fur trimmed red suit was dubbed "Unenlightened." And to present you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suingover unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in front of thecountry, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, fifty percent ofthe reindeer were gone; and also his wife, Who unexpectedly shelp she'd enough ofthis life, Joined a self-help team, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from currently on her title was Ms. And as for the presents, why,he'd ne'er had actually a notion That making an option might cause so muchcomactivity. Nopoint of leather, nopoint of hair, Which meant nopoint forhim. And nopoint for her. Nothing that can be understood topollute. Nopoint to aim, Nothing to shoot. Nopoint that clamored ormade many noise. Nothing for simply girls, or just for the boys. Nothing that asserted to be gender particular. Nopoint that's warfavor ornon-pacifistic. No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nopoint that appeared to embellish a reality. And fairy tales, while notyet forbidden, Were prefer Ken and Barbie, better off concealed. For theyraised the hackles of those mental Who declared the just good giftwas one eco-friendly. No baseball, no footsphere...someone can gethurt; Besides, playing sporting activities exposed youngsters to dirt. Dolls were saidto be sexist, and also must be passe; And Nintendo would certainly rot your entirebrain ameans. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; Hejust can not figure out what to perform next. He tried to be merry, tried tobe gay, But you've gained to be cautious via that word this particular day. His sackwas quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing completely acceptable wregarding befound. Something special was necessary, a gift that he could Give toall without angering the left or the right. A gift that would certainly accomplish,via no indecision, Each group of world, eexceptionally religion; Everyethnicity, every hue, Everyone, anywhere...even you. So below isthat gift, it's price past worth...


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May you and yourloved ones, gain peace on Planet.

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