Redeeming Beauty: The Eye of the Beholder It’s Saturday night. A man shows up at his girlfriend’s house to pick her up for a romantic night out. He is ideal on time, but she is running a couple of minutes late and also is still in jeans and also a T-shirt. “I can’t decide which dress to wear. Can you assist me out? Wait ideal below. I’ll be right earlier.” Before he have the right to even answer, she disappears into the bedroom to change. Moments later she reemerges from the bedroom. “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Is this a loaded question? You bet it is. No matter how he answers it, he will immediately uncover himself trapped. How does this work? It has actually as a lot to do via the nature of the question as it does anything else. Like lawyers, woguys are experts at posing concerns that seem to have actually no right answer. What’s a man to do?

There’s an old joke. You deserve to decide for yourself if it’s funny or not. It goes something prefer this: A woguy comes into the room and asks her husband, who is watching television, “Does this dress make me look fat?” The husband paoffers for a moment, and then he responds, “No, the dress is fine. It’s the pint of ice cream you eat eexceptionally night that provides you look fat.”

Not a good answer. Here are some various other exceptionally wrong means to answer the question, Does this dressmake me look fat?“I guess not. A few extra pounds look good on you.”“Fat? Compared to whom?”“Well, you’ve been fatter.”“I don’t recognize. What carry out you think?”“It doesn’t matter to me.”


The man doesn’t also have to say anypoint to miss the note. Hesitating, stuttering, or pautilizing prior to answering is equally as tragic. And pretfinishing not to hear the question isn’t any type of better: “I’m sorry, honey.Did you say something?”

Remember, beneath the question, Does this dress make me look fat? a womale is really asking, Am I lovely? What she is in search of is a guy that will certainly carry out three things:tell her the truth,confront her shame,and also confirm her loveliness.

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Any woman who asks this question already has a pretty good principle of the right answer, so if a man lies, she knows it. Does she look fat? On the surconfront, this is a yes or no question, and also this component of the question should be addressed if the guy is to have actually integrity and also authenticity.

And though her butt might look as significant as a Clydesdale pony’s, it’s her shame that the guy is actually dealing with. The question of her heart is, Are you through me for just how I look, or carry out you watch somepoint else that keeps you here?

When she asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” one of 2 points can happen: Her shame will certainly be exposed or it will be diminiburned.

He ca solution, “No, you look excellent, and I really prefer the method the dress mirrors off your ________ .” (Fill in what you really alert. The empty can be anypoint as lengthy as it’s honest. It might be eyes, skin tone, hair, or another attrenergetic body component.) Keep in mind that, even though he claims she looks great, she may not like his answer. If she rejects it, her shame will certainly be exposed, and she will adjust dresses anyway. If she accepts the answer, her self-contempt will be diminished, and she will be humbled — as long as the man is telling the fact.

This is wbelow a male have the right to really bmuch less a woguy. This is the moment once he have the right to aid her thrive in maturity, wisdom, and love. This is a moment when he have the right to aid her check out herself as God sees her. She asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” He answers, “No, and I really choose the method the dress reflects off your eyes. Do you want to recognize what I like more than that?” . . . Dramatic pause . . . “How you are so generous via your friends. You care for them so well.” This would certainly surprise her. It would stop to her character. She would certainly know that he really notices her.


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So he says, “Yes.” There is blessing to be offered right here too. “Yes, you execute look fat in that dress, and I wonder if you already assumed that. If you really want my opinion, I prefer the blue dress you wore last week.

You look great in that dress. But you recognize what I really watch once you ask me that?” . . . Dramatic pausage . . . “I check out a woman that hates her body, and it breaks my heart for you. I wish you can view yourself the means God sees you.” It takes a great deal of courage to do this. It additionally takes equal steps of strength and also tenderness. And any kind of male that stops at a straightforward yes (or no for that matter) is not courageous but cruel.

Any male that deserve to candidly tell a woguy she looks fat with gentleness has actually credibility. He’s a man that tells the reality. When a question is answered honestly and the woguy is confirmed for who she is by a guy who cares for her deeply, it creates a sense of security and wholeness (also if it’s an answer she doesn’t like hearing). It creates a feeling of being known and construed. When a guy is committed to informing the truth, confronting shame, and also confirming the loveliness of character in a woguy, he is doing the job-related of God. When he dodges the question, he is being a childish coward.

The hope is that the womale, regardless of just how she looks, can begin to live even more deeply out of her identification in Christ. Her sense of femininity is rooted in being loved, honored, valued, and cherimelted by an additional for who she is, not for how she looks.


Women are made to expose beauty. Men are made to see it. This is just how beauty have the right to be reunderstood. Men are made to delight in the beauty of a woman. But if males just look at the skin, they will miss out on the depth of loveliness that a womale hregarding sell. And if woguys look to guys for their definition, they will always be disappointed. True beauty is about a woman’s character — about her story — and also it constantly refers to what God has actually done in her.

Though men don’t define a woman’s loveliness (God does that), they carry out have the power to confirm it or tarnish it. So once a womale asks a guy, “Do I look fat in this dress?” what she is asking is for confirmation of who she is. Whatever before the man’s answer, he should resolve her character, her nature, that she is in God’s photo, if his answer is to be truthful.

Here’s the Point The real question behind Do I look fat? is, Am I lovely? Based on what we simply told you, below are 3 high-payoff points you deserve to execute that will bmuch less the womale you love and also store you out of hot water.

Tell the reality. Didn’t your momma constantly say to tell the truth? And save in mind that she currently knows the answer before she asks the question. She’s asking for confirmation fairly than information.Confront her shame. Your words bring significant power, which is why you can’t answer the question via simply a yes or a no.Confirm her loveliness. Remember the question really isn’t just around the dress or her weight. Tright here is something bigger at play. But just in situation you forget these three things, remember this: “We’ll Leave the Light on for You!” at Motel 6″.

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Adapted from Does this Dress Make Me Look Fat? by Stephen James and also David Thomas.