If you were ever an immature 13-year-old, you may have amused yourself by highlighting the most salacious passperiods in your assigned college texts (Flowers for Algernon, anyone?) Even much better for snicker-inducing transforms of phrase? Romance novels. Romance authors constantly need to think of different means to describe sex acts in interesting, non-pornographic means, and also that deserve to occasionally involve awkward metaphors and also flat dialogue. It’s basically a necessity of the genre that the creating be both intentionally and unintentionally hilarious. As the best erotica novel in recent memory, Fifty Shades of Grey will certainly no doubt tempt some readers that are looking for an ironic laugh — as well as naughty thrills — from E L James’ depiction of bondage-obsessed billionaire Christian Grey and also meek, incompetent college student Anastasia Steele. Here are some of the funniest lines:

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Christian introduces the genuine main character of the novel to Anastasia: “I want you to come to be well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, via my favorite and many cheriburned component of my body. I’m incredibly attached to this.”

What Anastasia feels about Christian’s cherished body part: “He’s my very very own Christian Grey flavor Popsicle.” “Hmm… he’s soft and hard at when, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty…”

Anastasia voices what many kind of womales think around E L James’ book series: “This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic.”

Christian philosophizes on the roots of his odd sexual preferences: “Why is anyone the means they are? That’s kind of difficult to answer. Why do some people favor cheese and also other civilization hate it? Do you prefer cheese?”

Ana renders constant recommendations to her “inner goddess,” the adventurous, sex-crazed component of her psyche that eggs her on to go farther via Christian. Some of the nympho-maniacal deity’s ideal moments: “My inner goddess is doing the merengue via some salsa moves.” “My inner goddess sits in the lotus position looking peaceful other than for the sly, self-congratulatory smile on her face.” “My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheer-leading pom-poms shouting yes at me.” “My inner goddess looks prefer someone snatched her ice cream.”

On the oppowebsite side of Ana’s psyche is her prudish, super-judgmental subconscious. Several of her most c—-blocking moments: “My subconscious purses her lips and mouths the word ‘ho.’ I disregard her.” “Sitting next to me, he gently pulls my sweatpants down again. Up and dvery own favor whores’ drawers, my subaware remarks bitterly. In my head, I tell her wright here to go.”

Ana marvels at Christian’s bondage skills: “Some boy scout he need to have actually been to learn these knots.”

We told you this book was kinky: “He then starts on my ideal foot, repeating the totality, seductive, mind-blowing procedure.” “He’s going to kiss me there! I know it. And component of me is glowing in the anticipation.”

“It slips down my throat, all seawater, salt, the sharp tang of citrus, and also fleshiness… ooh. I lick my lips, and also he’s watching me intently, his eyes hooded.” Get your mind out of the gutter — she’s talking about oysters.

This is one way to put it: “I’m losing all feeling of self, eincredibly atom of my being concentrating hard on that little, potent powerhome at the apex of my thighs.”

Perhaps the last thing you desire to hear after a wild romp: “Sh–! It’s my mommy.”

Christian describes his first time through Ana as “vanilla sex.” Ana begs to differ: “I believed it was chocolate hot fudge brownie sex that we had actually, via a cherry on peak. But hey, what do I know?”

A fslrfc.org one-liners from Ana’s no-nonsense roommate Kate: “What’s wrong? What did that creepy good-looking bastard do?” “You have dreadful sex hair.”

Ana utters a truth: “I don’t remember analysis around nipple clamps in the Scriptures.”

Ana sees her beau in a whole nslrfc.org light after he gives a passionate speech around Darfur: “Poor, f—ed up, kinky, philanthropic Christian.”

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Christian sees eextremely side of Ana: “Miss Steele, you are not just a pretty challenge. You’ve had actually six orgasms so far and every one of them belong to me.”

An ode to a magical substance: “I found some baby oil. Let me rub it on your behind.” “Christian squirts baby oil onto his hand also and then rubs my behind through mindful tenderness — from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, that would have assumed it was such a versatile liquid.”